Minutes

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily.
Life is but a dream.


It's amazing how much people can overlook one another.
When i'm in a crowd of people (normally that means i'm in the lunchroom with a Styrofoam plate and a greasy pizza in front of me) i can't help but look around with eyes wide open. Every human that i see has had a life...been alive for fourteen to eighteen years. So much time, so many thoughts. How many great ideas have been evolved over their short lifetimes? How many experiences, good or bad, have been had by just one person in a room of two hundred? How many times had they thought they were going to die? How many times had they thought they were the happiest or unhappiest person on Earth? How many total minutes had been spent just sitting and staring at something beautiful?

Some people may find this weird, but oftentimes i pick out one person in a crowd of people and wonder, Do they have a lover to go home to? Do they have a good relationship with their mother? What are their secrets? Maybe they are hiding a terrible, great pain that weighs them down day after day. And then they disappear again, just another invisible face in a crowd. People you know for only a few moments are the best to do this with. The next time you're at Wal Mart paying for your stuff, look up from your wallet and see the face of the cashier. Sometimes this thought creeps into my mind: Thirty years from now, i'll never remember this moment. i might never see this person again. They could die tomorrow, and i would have no idea. It's a mind-boggling thought, because then you think of the 6 billion other people in the world you'll never come to know; six billion lives, six billion hearts beating, trillions and trillions of thoughts and ideas you'll never know of. It's hard to wrap my head around that.

i like to play Solitaire when i need to think. i love the simplicity of moving cards around and placing the red ones under black ones and black ones under red ones. When it gets too hard i usually just deal and start over. that's a pretty good metaphor for my life; when things get rough i usually try to just throw everything away and start over. i know that's a horrible way to deal with your problems but i don't feel like growing up right now.