"Who the hell is that?"

Well, the list was posted today. But when i walked into first period theater i told everyone that had seen the list not to tell me who got what part. No one could even talk about it. i totally did not want to know. i planned on looking at the list at the very end of the day so if i got a bad part or if i didn't make it i would have the whole weekend to go home and cry about it and my day wouldn't be ruined. Mr. Gossett said he had a copy of the cast list in the theatre if i wanted to see it and i said noooo... But then eventually everyone convinced me to go and read it. It was sitting on the stage, and as i looked it over i didn't see my name at the top and felt my heart drop. At first i couldn't find my name and i was like oh no...then i saw it, next to "Bill Jukes." Okay, who's that? That's a nobody. But i guess i couldn't complain. At least i got a part, right? And guess what?? Mr. Gossett described Bill as "the coolest pirate ever." Yayy.
But i guess i really am excited. i want to see if i have any good singing parts. i hope i do. One of the storytellers from Alice is Peter Pan in this play. i think she's a senior, and her name is Kalee. i didn't know she could sing. i want to hear her. And Katy Compton is Wendy. i have no idea who that is.

So yeah...i'm hoping that i can get a good part next year. If we're still here.

A Memory.

Once
i had a water balloon fight with my best friends
Zeba
Faisal
Ashley
Juju
At Saba and Zeeb's 15th birthday party.

i just wanted to put this on here so i don't forget. i probably never will...

It's Over.

Okay. Auditions on Monday, arrived at the CEPA (Center for Education and Performing Arts) and met up with friends; Jam, Megan, Laura (the one who said she would be Tiger Lily...she's actually cool and we're friends now) and Ashley. i filled out my audition form (Alice in Alice in Wonderland DID look awesome, btw) and then picked up a sheet of lyrics for Seasons of Love from Rent. Turns out that was the song we were going to sing in groups. i'm so glad i didn't sing that song for auditions because i came thiiiiiiiis close to choosing that instead of my song....



Mhm. i did Tomorrow. :D In the end it was the one i could sing best, i guess. i was given the number 24, Jam was 25. They finally called us into the dressing room and i was still calm, just hoping i wouldn't decide to freak out at the last minute and ruin everything. i walked onto the stage, still keeping my cool (yusss!!) and got to "when i'm stuck with a day that's gray..." before Mr. Gossett stopped me. After that i realized i was shaking. i read the Wendy monologue, and the Peter Pan monologue (that was cool). He asked me to do it "boyish" and i did the best i could....he's already told me before i did very well with cold readings so i hope i didn't disappoint him this time.

Then yesterday...everyone came back to the CEPA for the 2nd audition and this time we all sat in the house and just sang along with the CD version of Seasons of Love. Then we went up in groups to sing it on the stage (i volunteered for the first group) and sang it karaoke. Man i sucked! i put one finger in my ear to drown out everyone else and just listen to myself. i know i did MUCH better with the Annie song.

It just got worse. Mr. Gossett's sister Kimberly showed up to teach us a few quick dance moves. The problem was, she spent so little time teaching it, it felt like i only had moments to learn it before the music started playing and we did the same move over and over in front of the judges. i never got the moves until the other groups started going up and i got a few minutes to do it again to myself. FRUSTRATING. :P

Song playing: Let Me Go - 3 Doors Down

i think Shelby Hartley will definitely be in it...she had very good balance and movement and probably singing skills but she's overweight so the harness that the major characters wear to fly probably wouldn't hold her. Jam will probably get a major part. She's skinny and pretty...not the best at singing but she's got potential. Connie Kempffer, for sure. She's Mr. Gossett's pet. She might get Wendy or even Peter. The others i'm not sure about. There were probably a lot of good ones but i never saw them perform solo.

i don't think i'm going to make it.
Oh well.

HEEEEEELLPPPP

SHIT SHIT SHIT

Two more days till auditions and i'm still looking for a song!!!!! ><

The Annie and Warbucks song is definitely out. Now i'm looking into the Seasons of Love song from Rent. i've always loved that song but i'm not sure how well i can sing it, and i don't think it really describes me. i guess if worse comes to worse and i still don't have a song picked out by Monday, i'll just sing Tomorrow or Jack's Lament. Those two are my backup plans; i guess i can sing them both well.

Or i could just not sing at all...

Audition update

Audition Songs:

Somebody to Love - Queen
Jack's Lament - The Nightmare Before Christmas
Annie & Warbuck song from Annie
That tomorrow song - Annie

i sang Somebody to Love to myself last night. i used to be able to sing my lungs out all the time, because when we lived in Chicago i would have some time to myself after i came home from school, before my mom came home from work. i would sing as loudly as i wanted to. God i loved to sing. i still do, but i don't get to as much anymore since there's almost always someone home here, and even if i was alone i wouldn't be comfortable enough to do it, anyway. i don't know, i guess i'm always paranoid someone left a recording device on somehow and my horrible singing would be caught on tape. >< So to get some privacy, i turned my music way up and crawled under my desk and sang loudly to myself in the corner. i guess i did pretty well; my voice kind of sounded like Brie Larson. Only she's way better. Maybe it was because i haven't sung in a while (is that grammatically correct??) and i didn't talk much that day. If that's what makes me sing well, then i'm going to duct tape my mouth shut every other period on the day of the vocal auditions. i'm still kinda trying to figure out what 32 measures of a song equals. Mr. Gossett (intro to theatre teach) told me to count the beats. i'm afraid i'll get it wrong, but i suppose if i go too far they'll just have to stop me. i missed the drama club meeting that gave details about the auditions. Big mistake. i'm such an idiot. i could have scoped out the competition, but instead i sat in the cafeteria before homeroom, fucking around with my stupid friends. (: i seriously doubt i'm getting a part now. But i at least have to try; i'll regret it if i don't. Two more days. Cross your fingers, people. i want to be able to do something after school for once. :P

OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!

ARGGHHHHH!!!!!! Okay. So. This guy on my bus asked me to sit next to him, and then told me he was single and then asked if i was. When i told him i wasn't he asked if i wanted to go four wheeling (keep in mind this is a very compressed verison of our conversation) and i'm like hell yeah

MY MOM WON'T LET ME GO

After i told her okay mom he's coming over and she's all okay, i'm gonna go out there and talk to him and meet with him and all that shit, and then he finally shows up and then my mom stands right in the fuckin living room and screams at me cuz i didn't tell her this was going on.What the fuck ever. So she goes out there and gives them this whole fuckin lecture and i'm just standing at the door trying not to fuckin cry.

i got in my room and i was so mad i finally did cry. This is so fuckin unfair. i was actually going to get out of the house and DO something for once. Normally all i do is sit here and go on myspace all day. She tells me i don't get out and do shit with my friends, and i'm just some fuckin hermit that doesn't want to be social. WHAT THE FUCK EVER. This is the reason i'm not social, you dumb cunt.

Ugh. i haven't been this mad in a long time. It's just, this was supposed to be my shining moment. i'm still pretty new, and still trying to find my place in school, and i just really wanted to see if i could fit in and have some fuckin FUN for once.

They probably won't even want me to go now. They'll be like, Oh, no, she's the stupid rich prick from the city. She's too good to get a little mud on her jeans.

Fuck.

i'm trying to think of something else. At least, that's what AJ is telling me i should do. i don't know what to think about, though. i'll just be sitting here all night like i always do.



*sigh.* Alright. Done being a whiny bitch. i'm really not that pissed anymore...it's like two hours later...Mom came in my room and explained all of the stuff that's going on outside of my little Pity Bubble. i can't say all of the details, i can only say that i have to go to the courthouse tomorrow and answer questions concerning lies that SOMEBODY put out there in a bitch fit, and then three hours later, i have to go talk to an attorney concerning a bunch of custody shit that i don't really feel like dealing with but apparently is necessary.

So yeah. That's my life. Not the best, not the worst.

Peace.

Ugh..

i finally finished the essay! :D i did it from Pip's point of view.

good night. ^^

Minutes

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily.
Life is but a dream.


It's amazing how much people can overlook one another.
When i'm in a crowd of people (normally that means i'm in the lunchroom with a Styrofoam plate and a greasy pizza in front of me) i can't help but look around with eyes wide open. Every human that i see has had a life...been alive for fourteen to eighteen years. So much time, so many thoughts. How many great ideas have been evolved over their short lifetimes? How many experiences, good or bad, have been had by just one person in a room of two hundred? How many times had they thought they were going to die? How many times had they thought they were the happiest or unhappiest person on Earth? How many total minutes had been spent just sitting and staring at something beautiful?

Some people may find this weird, but oftentimes i pick out one person in a crowd of people and wonder, Do they have a lover to go home to? Do they have a good relationship with their mother? What are their secrets? Maybe they are hiding a terrible, great pain that weighs them down day after day. And then they disappear again, just another invisible face in a crowd. People you know for only a few moments are the best to do this with. The next time you're at Wal Mart paying for your stuff, look up from your wallet and see the face of the cashier. Sometimes this thought creeps into my mind: Thirty years from now, i'll never remember this moment. i might never see this person again. They could die tomorrow, and i would have no idea. It's a mind-boggling thought, because then you think of the 6 billion other people in the world you'll never come to know; six billion lives, six billion hearts beating, trillions and trillions of thoughts and ideas you'll never know of. It's hard to wrap my head around that.

i like to play Solitaire when i need to think. i love the simplicity of moving cards around and placing the red ones under black ones and black ones under red ones. When it gets too hard i usually just deal and start over. that's a pretty good metaphor for my life; when things get rough i usually try to just throw everything away and start over. i know that's a horrible way to deal with your problems but i don't feel like growing up right now.

Random.

Yep, that's my ex. Not the chick, of course. But i dated that guy in like...fifth or sixth grade. It didn't last very long, but i remember crying when he dumped me. That's the only time i've ever been dumped, ever. i got this off of the chick's Myspace and thought i'd show it to you. Not exactly sure why.

i never did the essay. Mrs. Carr gave me until Tuesday (no school Monday) to turn it in b/c i told her i left it at a friend's house. i would love to type it, because if we type it it only has to be two pages long, but my printer has no ink. So i have to write it, and it now has to be four pages long. FOUR FUCKIN PAGES!

i really should get started on it. but i'll probably wait until Monday night to do it. i love being lazy.

Song playing: Disturbed - Inside the Fire

i think i've pretty much narrowed down the audition song list to this:

Everyone's A Little Bit Racist - Avenue Q
The Money Song - Avenue Q
The song from Annie
Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better
For Now - Avenue Q
All You Need is Love - Beatles

And a correction from an earlier post: The auditions are on the 26th and 27th of this month, not the 25th and 26th. i'm really trying very hard not to rip off posters announcing the audition dates off the walls of the hallways.

My playlist.

Mkay it doesn't go out all the way so
you can't use the scrollbar,
so to scroll down just keep pressing the
forward button.

Mini-Autobiography.

Love, love, love.


The story of my life:

i was born in Missouiri, at 1:01 pm, July 26, 1993. My parents moved to Chicago shortly after that. We lived in an apartment, then at my grandparent's place down the street, then when i was 8 we moved into our first house. My little brother and sister were born within a year of each other; Kyle on December 3, 2003, and Kelly on May 24, 2004. In summer 2007 my dad filed for a divorce. A battle for custody of me and my brother and sister ensued. My mom and my siblings lived in an apartment for 6 months before we visited her family in Alabama for the summer. While we were there, my mom decided not to go back to Chicago. We lived at my mom's mom's house until my mom remarried to a man with four kids. So that's where we are; a family of 6 children and me. i'm going back to court next June for the judge to decide where me and my brother and sister will live; with my dad in Chicago, or my mom in Alabama.

Avenue Q

URGH.
i have an essay due tomorrow. We're supposed to summarize Moby Dick, acting as one of the characters other than the narrator, Ishmael. i originally wanted to do Moby Dick himself. But it's harder than you think. So now i'm going to see if i can do Starbuck. We were given a week to do it but i'm an incredible procrastinator.

A few more songs for Peter Pan auditions:

It Sucks to be Me - Avenue Q
If You Were Gay - Avenue Q
For Now - Avenue Q
Everyone's a Little Bit Racist - Avenue Q
Across the Universe - Beatles
Champagne Supernova - Oasis
and that song from Annie that goes "i don't need anything but you.."




Yes, i love Avenue Q. If you don't know, it's a Broadway show filled with Sesame Street-like puppet characters dealing with real-life adult issues and it is FUCKING HILARIOUS. My friend Ashley from Chicago and i became obsessed with the show after we found an If You Were Gay video on Youtube...and the rest is history. Sometimes we would randomly burst into song (it pissed people off a LOT). i really like Everyone's a Little Bit Racist right now..it's funny and i can sing it decently. i may have found my song. i just need to practice it.

The name of the girl who played the Queen of Hearts in Alice is Jam. Well, her real name is Janet Marie, but she goes by Jam and i wish i had that name SOOO baddd. She told me today that i would make a good Mrs. Darling. i think she's right; i would love to be her, or maybe Jane at the end.

Everyone's A Little Bit Racist

Princeton:
Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?

Kate Monster:
Sure!

Princeton:
Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?

Kate Monster:
Uh huh.

Princeton:
Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster.

Kate Monster:
Right.

Princeton:
You're both Monsters.

Kate Monster:
Yeah.

Princeton:
Are you two related?

Kate Monster:
What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!

Princeton:
Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!

Kate Monster:
Well, it's a touchy subject.
No, not all Monsters are related.
What are you trying say, huh?
That we all look the same to you?
Huh, huh, huh?

Princeton:
No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry,
I guess that was a little racist.

Kate Monster:
I should say so. You should be much more
careful when you're talking about the
sensitive subject of race.

Princeton:
Well, look who's talking!

Kate Monster:
What do you mean?

Princeton:
What about that special Monster School you told me about?

Kate Monster:
What about it?

Princeton:
Could someone like me go there?

Kate Monster:
No, we don't want people like you-

Princeton:
You see?!

You're a little bit racist.

Kate Monster:
Well, you're a little bit too.

Princeton:
I guess we're both a little bit racist.

Kate Monster:
Admitting it is not an easy thing to do...

Princeton:
But I guess it's true.

Kate Monster:
Between me and you,
I think

Both:
Everyone's a little bit racist
Sometimes.
Doesn't mean we go
Around committing hate crimes.
Look around and you will find
No one's really color blind.
Maybe it's a fact
We all should face
Everyone makes judgments
Based on race.

Princeton:
Now not big judgments, like who to hire
or who to buy a newspaper from -

Kate Monster:
No!

Princeton:
No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican
busboys should learn to speak goddamn English!

Kate Monster:
Right!

Both:
Everyone's a little bit racist
Today.
So, everyone's a little bit racist
Okay!
Ethinic jokes might be uncouth,
But you laugh because
They're based on truth.
Don't take them as
Personal attacks.
Everyone enjoys them -
So relax!

Princeton:
All right, stop me if you've heard this one.

Kate Monster:
Okay!

Princeton:
There's a plan going down and there's only
one paracute. And there's a rabbi, a priest...

Kate Monster:
And a black guy!

Gary Coleman:
Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate?

Kate Monster:
Uh...

Gary Coleman:
You were telling a black joke!

Princeton:
Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes.

Gary Coleman:
I don't.

Princeton:
Well, of course you don't - you're black!
But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?

Gary Coleman:
Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks!

Princeton:
Now, don't you think that's a little racist?

Gary Coleman:
Well, damn, I guess you're right.

Kate Monster:
You're a little bit racist.

Gary Coleman:
Well, you're a little bit too.

Princeton:
We're all a little bit racist.

Gary Coleman:
I think that I would
Have to agree with you.

Princeton/Kate Monster:
We're glad you do.

Gary Coleman:
It's sad but true!
Everyone's a little bit racist -

All right!

Kate Monster:
All right!

Princeton:
All right!

Gary Coleman:
All right!
Bigotry has never been
Exclusively white

All:
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit,
Even though we all know
That it's wrong,
Maybe it would help us
Get along.

Princeton:
Oh, Christ do I feel good.

Gary Coleman:
Now there was a fine upstanding black man!

Princeton:
Who?

Gary Coleman:
Jesus Christ.

Kate Monster:
But, Gary, Jesus was white.

Gary Coleman:
No, Jesus was black.

Kate Monster:
No, Jesus was white.

Gary Coleman:
No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black-

Princeton:
Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish!

Brian:
Hey guys, what are you laughing about?

Gary Coleman:
Racism!

Brian:
Cool.

Christmas Eve:
BRIAN! Come back here!
You take out lecycuraburs!

Princeton:
What's that mean?

Brian:
Um, recyclables.
Hey, don't laugh at her!
How many languages do you speak?

Kate Monster:
Oh, come off it, Brian!
Everyone's a little bit racist.

Brian:
I'm not!

Princeton:
Oh no?

Brian:
Nope!

How many Oriental wives
Have you got?

Christmas Eve:
What? Brian!

Princeton:
Brian, buddy, where you been?
The term is Asian-American!

Christmas Eve:
I know you are no
Intending to be
But calling me Oriental -
Offensive to me!

Brian:
I'm sorry, honey, I love you.

Christmas Eve:
And I love you.

Brian:
But you're racist, too.

Christmas Eve:
Yes, I know.
The Jews have all
The money
And the whites have all
The power.
And I'm always in taxi-cab
With driver who no shower!

Princeton:
Me too!

Kate Monster:
Me too!

Gary Coleman:
I can't even get a taxi!

All:
Everyone's a little bit racist
It's true.
But everyone is just about
As racist as you!
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit,
And everyone stopped being
So PC
Maybe we could live in -
Harmony!

Christmas Eve:
Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!

Suicide & Peter Pan

So yesterday i was talking to my boyfriend's ex best friend and he said he was going to kill himself.

He loves me. Even though he knows i have John.

i eventually convinced him not to die. i was surprised that i started crying. i didn't know he meant that much to me. and i wonder if that is a bad thing. i'm not going to cheat on John again, though, no matter what. That was a big mistake, i'll tell you that.




So the school is doing the fall play, which is always a big deal. This year it's a musical. The production is:


i'm going to try to audition, if i'm brave enough. When i went to the auditorium to do the Alice auditions, i remember almost turning around a dozen times, especially when i went inside and saw how many people were there, especially the seniors. i knew they were thinking, Ha! Look at the little sophomore, i bet she thinks she can be Alice. But then again, i went through with it and it acually turned out really cool. So i just might be able to do it again. And just imagine how awesome "Was Alice in Alice in Wonderland" will look on my audition form.


For the audition you need to do 3 things. You will be given a speech to do a cold reading with, a few simple dance steps to perform, and if you are trying out for one of the major roles, you have to sing 32 measures of a song that describes your personality. So so far i have the uncut list of songs i might sing for the auditions:

Revolution - Beatles
Bring on the Rain - Jo Dee Messina
How I Could Just Kill a Man - Charlotte Sometimes
Anything But Ordinary - Avril Lavigne
Breath - Breaking Benjamin
Somebody to Love - Queen
Sorry - Buckcherry
Over You - Daughtry
The Reason - Hoobastank
Don't Worry, Be Happy - Bob Marley
Here Without You - Three Doors Down
All You Need is Love - Beatles
Life is a Highway - Rascal Flatts
Sally's Song - The Nightmare Before Christmas Soundtrack
Jack's Lament - The Nightmare Before Christmas Soundtrack
Breath - Anna Nalick
and that song that goes "anything you can do, i can do better, i can do anything better than you."

Obviously, i'm going to be adding and narrowing it down a LOT. Auditions are on the 25th and 26th of this month, i think. So i have only a week and a few days left. Hopefully i can pick a song and work on it enough by then. Let me know what you think.

i have no idea who i'm going to audition for. Sometimes i'm just like, Fuck it. i don't care who i am, i just wanna be in the show. Other times i really want to have a major part again.

i've already had one chick come up to me and be like, "Are you trying out for Peter Pan? Don't try out for Tiger Lily." She told me she's taken ballet since she was very young and that she was sure she would get the part. i'm pretty sure she saw me in Alice and that's why she's warning me. But she just happens to be fat and i'm not sure how agile she's going to be onstage. So that's what i have to say about that.


.......

Star trails.

In intro to painting class last year, at my old school in Chicago, i did a watercolor painting of what looked like a bunch of huge circley things in the sky. i wasn't sure what the image was of, i just thought it was beautiful so i printed it out to bring to class. i want to know if this phenomenon is real, and what it's called if it is. i think they're called star trails. i found a bunch of pictures so you know what i'm talking about.

Here's the one that i copied in my painting:i think these are gorgeous.






Comment if it would please you to help. Merci for reading.

Saturdays and Alice in Wonderland

So...

Today is Saturday. i always say the only good thing about a Saturday is the sleeping in. After that, everything's just boring. i actually really do like school; it's the only place i normally see my friends. Surprisingly, i've made a lot since i moved here. Well, for the first month or so i was a total loner. :\ That was no fun. Then it was like suddenly everyone went, Oh! New girl! i've been getting asked out a lot lately, too, which is very weird for me. Guys have never really noticed me that much.

Imagine this; awkward, shy new kid at a strange school in a strange state, trying out for the school play. i know it was crazy. Maybe that's why i did it, just to see if i really could. And i also wanted very badly to make friends. The play was Alice in Wonderland, and i tried out for the Mad Hatter/Alice. i never really thought i could be Alice, so i performed a monologue from the Hatter's point of view. And i sang a song called "Will You Walk a Little Faster, Said a Whiting to a Snail." It's like an old nursery rhyme i got from the 1999 Alice in Wonderland movie with whatsherface....Tina Majorino from Napoleon Dynamite. Guess what? i got a callback. And guess what else? i showed up late. Everyone was leaving when i got there. But i still auditioned again, and the next day my name showed up on the cast list, next to Alice. i started screaming in the hallway.

Rehearsals were the best. i truly, absolutely love being onstage. People ask me how i can just get up in front of a whole bunch of people and not be nervous. The truth is, i really don't know. But once i'm up there, i get a strange rush like it's some kind of extreme sport. i think i might go into acting someday, if i'm good enough. Anyway we performed Alice for...five? elementary and primary schools. And then we peformed it for the recital at the high school's auditorium, and here are the pics.


Opening scene; that's the storybook behind me. God i love that skirt.

















Saying hello to the audience. My apron was a little off












The tea party scene. It's the March Hare, the (female) Mad Hatter, Dormouse, and me. I love the storybook.












Afterwards, holding my roses and yelling at my friend Ben ;D









My family(L-R); sb Christian, bro Kyle, sis Kelly, ss Chelsea, me, and the other one is a little jerkoff so just call him Royal Douchebag. Wish it wasn't so blurry.










i have a CD of a couple videos from the performance. Wish i could find it. I know it's around here somewhere... i'm definitely not the most organized person.

i think this post is coming to a close. Not bad for just the second one, right?
Let me know what you think. Merci for reading.